Who is John Citizen?

So just who is John Citizen, the mysterious rouge who isn't afraid to tell it how it is? He is the man who laughs in the face of the liberal media, chortles at the left-wing hippies, and guffaws at the assertion that a Bachelor of Arts is not a waste of time.

John Citizen is an uncompromising conservative who believes in the free market, small government, low taxes, wearing monocles, and only reading News Ltd. publications. John spends his days plotting how he and his cabal of greedy, wicked conservatives will overthrow the global socialist conspirators who control the world's governments and, ultimately, replace them... By night John likes to subject the world to his often rambling, nonsensical views via the world wide web.



"I'm in flavour country..."

So whether he is helping a tobacco company expand into a new market (the under 5's will be the next big growth area...) or advising a mining giant on how to best wipe out an endangered species, John Citizen is always working hard to exploit whatever resource possible for monetary gain... but don't take our word for it, let's here from John himself:


"Hello, my name is John Citizen, and I am a conservative. Of course this means that I am inherently an evil profit driven capitalist who will step on the little guy just to make a quick dollar (sometimes not even for a dollar, but just because it brings joy to my black heart...). In my spare time I plot the downfall of the world with colleagues over a brandy in the parlour room, reclining back in my sumptuous leather chair by a roaring fire fuelled by endangered animals and the toys of poor refugee children... by the way, the brandy tastes so much better when mixed with the tears of the aforementioned children...

This may come as a shock to you left-wing hippies but the above was actually satire. Shocking, to be sure, a conservative who is making a satirical comment as opposed to being the subject of one. What you will undoubtedly find even more confronting is that I do not look even remotely like the Monopoly Man AND I do not hate freedom or adorable puppies. Unbelievable but true. I am a proud conservative who is under 100 years old (unlike the stereotypical evil capitalist puppet master) and, before you ask, no, I do not own a monocle or get free parking... damn you Pennybags! Share that sweet free parking with the rest of us!

So what is the point of this blog? Simple, really: offer an alternative view to the prevailing nonsense served up daily by the liberal media. For the most part the voice of the young, grassroots conservative activist is overlooked and silenced by the insistent protest chanting from the Greenie agitator plebs who obviously do not understand what the word ‘employment’ means. To their credit, though, they do appear to have an intimate working knowledge of the Centrelink system... So here I am, a conservative with a jewel encrusted axe to grind...

So I say to you, my fellow conservatives, slam down those brandies, hold on to your monocles and top hats, we are going for that monopoly! And then no one will be able to stop us... [the cruel laugh of the elitist conservative cabal echoed out as they sat around their boardroom table, enjoying the latest News Ltd. publication... now there is some balanced reporting!]"

John Citizen
Caring Conservative & Humble Humanitarian