So, Prime Minister, how is the whole ‘moving forward’ thing going?

It has been over a year now since that fateful June day where former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd stumbled out of a caucus meeting with a series of fatal stab wounds to the back. Swiftly stepping over the weeping Rudd the first female PM proceed to slither into the role, intent on doing the job her way... and by her way I mean the way her Union masters wanted her to do it. Around a month later she would subject the Australian people to an unbelievably cruel fate, a heinous, nefarious act the likes of which those who survived it won’t soon forget. On the 16th of July 2010 the Australian people were forced to endure arguably one of the worst political speeches in history; the notorious ‘moving forward’ speech.

For those of you who had the great fortune to miss the speech, let me give you some context. The then-newly anointed puppet PM had been in the job for barely a month and decided that it would be best to go to an election quickly as to prevent the voters enough time to work out what a complete failure she was (and still is, I might add...). So, on the 17th, she took the short drive down to the Govern-General’s residence and asked the GG to dissolve parliament. Following this, her election announcement to the nation, a brief speech where the PM uttered the immortal phrase not once, not twice, but in excess of TWENTY TIMES! Now I am an avid follower of politics and have seen many speeches and announcements in my time. Some are interesting, the rare one inspirational, but more are just boring with a casual hint of condescension; this speech made me physically ill. Politicians have made me laugh (Oh Katter, who in their right mind would join your party?), some have made me shake my head in confusion (I’m looking at you, Barnaby) but Prime Minister Gillard is the only one to make me dry wretch. It was the disturbing combination of her irritating voice, painfully slow pace and, most of all, the condescension; she spoke to the nation in much the same way that a teacher would speak to a remedial class of mentally impaired, English as a second language students. As a campaign slogan, ‘moving forward’ is relatively good, especially in comparison to Tony Abbott’s ‘Stand-up for Real Action’ (and the god-awful song which accompanied it), it was just delivered incredibly poorly... Regardless, this detracts from the point I’m trying to make...


There is something missing from this cartoon... of that's right, the puppet strings...
(Source: The Australian... now there is a quality broadsheet!)

At this point you are probably thinking to yourself, “John, we know all this! The election was under a year ago and we have sat through the deconstruction and analysis; you’re not telling us anything we don’t already know!” That is true, but the last poll to come out got me thinking... Julia, and the Labor party in general, were desperate – oh so desperate! – to break from the Rudd era that their entire re-election platform was, essentially, “We’re not Rudd”. K-Rudd had become so toxic that they were willing to ‘move forward’ (which is code for ‘run as fast as you can away from the little nerd!’), sacrificing the man who had been one of the most popular prime ministers in recent history for the relatively untested Gillard. So now, with Labor’s primary vote at a shame-inducing, backbench-revolting level of a wimpy 29%, is Gillard thinking that perhaps ‘moving forward’ was a bit of a mistake? Instead of promising to ‘move Australia forward’, is the PM wishing that she could ‘move Labor backwards’? Back to a time when their brand was not damaged beyond repair? Back to a time when they could form coherent policies that actually worked? Back further still, to a time when they could win elections by themselves, without needing to reach out to the extremists in the Greens, further damaging their brand? Is it time for the factional leaders to move the party back to K-Rudd?


Sorry K-Rudd, it's true, there's no coming back for you...

Of course, it is incredibly unlikely that Kevin will ever be moving his stuff back into the Lodge (I think the Adelaide Crows have a greater chance of winning the flag this year than Kevin has of getting his old job back...). Labor is doomed to lose the next election, and many more subsequent elections in the years which will follow. After riding high on the Kevin07 campaign, the party which spent over a decade in the wilderness has managed to handicap itself so badly that, regardless of what move it makes next, it cannot win. It has lost all of its major pieces and has backed itself into an untenable position. Tony ‘the Bishop’ Abbott just needs to keep his mouth shut and he will be able to knock of the Red Queen with very little effort at the 2013 election.

Mate in two years...