The Stench of the Thomson Affair

Those who know me know that I am a kind, compassionate human being that certainly would not - unquestionably would not! - laugh at the misfortune of others. I just wouldn't; it's not me... Ok, it is a tad unfair that you can't see my face right now, because I'm having a bit of a hard time keeping it straight. Yes, I have been known to - on the rarest of occasions! - have a brief chortle or guffaw at the unfortunate circumstances which others may have found themselves in; but none so much as this morning. Hurricane Irene is in no way funny or amusing, and the US is lucky to have survived with as little damage as it has sustained. While the hurricane may not be funny, it has provided a rather chuckle-worthy clip of a particularly unlucky Fox News reporter by the name of Tucker Barnes. Now poor Tucker, a weather man who was covering the weather event, found himself out on the shore being battered by nature's fury. The wind was howling and the waves crashing down around him, but the intrepid news man carried on, despite having some suspicious looking, and smelling, foam dumped all over him.

Tucker "I wish I had chosen a better career path" Barnes

"It's some sort of organic matter, plankton or something, mixed in with sand and salt. I can tell you firsthand, it doesn't smell great." Reported brave Tucker, smelling a local news award for his brave coverage of the once in a century hurricane. The problem was that it wasn't the award he was smelling, or plankton, for that matter, but rather raw sewage. That's right, our fearless news reporter Tucker "That's not plankton..." Barnes was being sprayed and covered in raw sewage. For those of you who would care to watch, this link will take you to the footage. But remember: once you view it, you can't un-view it...

So what, if anything, does this have to do with Australian federal politics? Well, during my third viewing of the clip of Tucker "There isn't enough soap in the world for me to feel clean again" Barnes, in which I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair, I had an odd moment of lucid realisation: that poor man is just like Julia Gillard. No, he isn't a red head, talk like he is speaking to disabled children or promise before the newscast that there will be no raw sewage in any report I make. Instead I realised that Julia Gillard, like Tucker "No one wants to car pool with me anymore" Barnes, is trapped in the middle of nowhere and slowly being buried under a giant, steaming pile of foamy raw sewage. The difference is, of course, that the sewage drenching that Gillard is currently undergoing is her own fault, largely the result of incompetence but now with a faint whiff of corruption.

It certainly looks as though the rakes have been brought out and the muck is getting a good working over. Gillard is forced into the position of defending a morally bankrupt MP to save her even more morally bankrupt government which is holding onto power by the smallest of margins. Had this been any other Parliament and any other government, Craig Thomson would have been sacked, effective immediately; no if's, no but's, just gone, there's the door. While no-one is naive enough to think that Craig's Labor colleagues are jumping to his defence because he is a top bloke or actually the "Hard working member for Dobell"; unless of course the hard work is occurring on top of a union funded hooker [zing!]

With every scandal, with every incompetent screw-up, Gillard is leaving herself open to be further covered in electoral raw sewage. A brief glance of the polls shows that the ALP is on the nose and faced with a wipe out at the next election. The only way that Labor can save face is to dump [yes, pun intended...] Gillard, admit that they were wrong with EVERYTHING and pray for mercy while calling an early election. While they will find themselves in the wilderness for what will be, hopefully, many, many, many years, at least that will give them time to hose themselves down, put on some fresh clothes and deodorant, and hope that everyone forgets how much they crapped up their time on the governing benches...

My apologies to Tucker Barnes, it must have been a shit day and I'm sure everyone has been giving you enough crap without me dumping on you... I hope that this event does not soil your good name...